Driving Ms. Crazy

It's been done, I know. But here's the theory; First, bureaucracy is the waste product of a organisation. It's something that happens whenever groups of more than 5 get together to do one thing. You see, organisations, particularly large ones, don't tend to move around much physically, so, when they need to go, they need to go nearby. (Damn! That was a lot of commas! No more this post!) When organisations grow without moving around they stagnate. They build up a pile of steaming turd and mold it into chair for management to sit in. If you've worked in management you'll know it's not good to stay in one spot for a long time. This is because the chair will stick and warm up to your body temperature. Then you'll be so comfortable you won't want to move and you'll grow to love your bureaucratic chair. You'll love it and lord it all over the people working there. They're below you. (nearly lost out to the comma's siren song)

So you'll walk around waggling your bureaucracy at your cowworkers and trade beauraucratic tips and drink lattes and bitch about slackers or people wearing t-shirts.

But you'll forget you're carrying around a pile of shit molded to your arse.

The second point was anarchy. As I was avoiding the psychos and card carrying members of the distracted idiot and can't drive society (DICDS - It didn't turn out. Big deal.) on my way home I was thinking. Thinking that the turd carrying handshaking media hugging club get to decide what rules we drive by. (I'd like to drive-by...) Thinking that society's collective faeces gets rolled into balls and hoarded by egomaniacal grin-shake-and-bitch elected members. Then they argue about their balls and try to make sure that everyone sees their balls and in doing so get suck up to people carrying chairs of molded turds on their arses and laws are made.

What if that got blown apart by some amazing experiment? What if an awesome government got into power and decided to give the power back to the people - to share the shit around.

What I'm talking about is road rules. Let's throw them all away and let everyone drive anyway they want. Anarchy. It'll be fun. Just think how many people will catch the train!

Okay. People will die if we do that. We need to people to act responsibly. So we give them the responsibilty. We can't codify common sense and we can't write rules for everyone that take into account all possible contexts. What difference is 15 kmph going to make when driving on the expressway in clear weather? A lot if people are behaving like idiots.

So we take away the rules and give back responsibility. Police will be given powers to revoke licenses. On the spot. People driving dangerously will be criminally charged with endangering lives - subject to the judgment of the traffic police. Extra cops will be deputised and complaints will be followed up as for a criminal investigation. If you agree to take the responsibility to throw around massive amounts child-smashing of momentum you are responsible for all the subsequent flesh-metal violence that can ensue if you don't think it needs to be taken seriously.

It'll work. But everyone in Adelaide will die.

Finally, It's devil's day tomorrow, so I'm wearing black. (Did you pick them?)

Also, I want comments. I put the expanding comments javascript on and it looks silly if they are none. Alsoalso, I want picture inspired by this inspired rant. Nothing rude.
(alsoalso is a new word)

Digging a Whole

On the weekend I dug.
I dug a whole lot. I dug a lot the weekend before too.
You see, our house (the one that is frustratingly close to completion) needs water. We need the water to drink, shower, fight fires and bidet our arses, but the house, It needs the water in a whole other way. It needs blood too, in the same way.
So I dug on the weekend.

and here's a picture.

gross, ain't it?

I dug a dang lot. There seems to be a thing with guys. A sort of Alpha-male thing that works overtime with their kids. It says to them (implicitly, not verbally), 'These are your children they once were only young. You were young long before they were young. You made mistakes that cost you some inconvenience. They will make the same mistakes if you don't warn them. They will blunder in and only you can save them'
Thankfully it doesn't take time to say things implicitly. And it does so clearly and totally unlike what I just wrote. It's like there is just one word(I'm going nuts with the markup today. [gog]) that means all of that, the id just says it, and you know. (This isn't supposed to be the you know... kind of you know, but the kind of you know where you just...know, you know?)
So I spent the last two weekends digging trenches. Did I ever mention the Rock? He does, but I have some and I had to dig through it. We've got a lot of sandstone.
And we've got a lot of quartz.
At least, I think it's the quartz that sparks when I hit it with the pick-axe.
So, the point.
I'm really sore. I haven't been doing much exercise recently. I'm flabby. My girly hands are devoid of calluses thanks to my desk job. I haven't knocked myself around hard enough to form scabs for ages. And the only time I get sore, aching muscles is the day after I go to the gym.
I'm such a wuss.
But not any more. I've been eating the quartz and sandstone. I've been cutting inch thick slivers of solid stone with each stroke of the pick-axe and have been headbutting the earth itself, taking the rock and the iron-ore and forging solid steel in my veins. I pump iron more than literally. I pump it super-literally. (I pump more literal meaning into it than physically possible) I can smash mountains with my eyelids and flatten buildings with my... you don't want to know.

Nikko smashing mountains with his eyelashes

Crumble!!

Of course, I can't lift my arms today. They've imbibed so much toughness that they have hardened into inflexible rods, just like steel. Steel that hurts to touch. (that is, the steel hurts) My back has taken out a restraining order from some god or goddess that doesn't like where I'm heading with this, which is to bed. I've got to get up in the morning and be awesome. Do you?

Light Farming

Once again, I sit before the computer, staring into the electron stream that is emitting from my LCD (I don't need an old cathode ray tube to have electrons emit themselves at me, I put them into the LCD and then sit back and bake) wondering what the hell it was that I thought I was going to write about the next time I'm here.
Well screw that.
Tonight, I'm going into the lounge, sitting down in front of the Tube and watch the electrons ricochet around the room. Then I'll come back here with the most awesome story your head ever exploded because of.
Okay, I'm back. I want to tell you the story of the magical psychotic connection I have with the lovely wife of her best friend, Felicity. (Commas rock, like many things, they, and HIM, as well as that other guy I won't mention, anymore to say that HE IS THERE, watching you, with a big stick, with which to stoke the fire, and he likes to think he is important, because they can wreak havoc on sentences, and mess up the judicial system, like that guy, you know, with the thing)
Let me unwrap that last sentence and find where you failed.

1. I have a lovely wife.
2. She has a best friend.
3. My lovely wife's name is Felicity.
4. Her best friend is ME.

I don't have a psychotic connection with her. We share a psychic connection. Not a psychic fair psychic connection, a psychic psychic connection. You know, with connection from psyche to psyche. With one psyche residing in my mind and the other psyche in hers. If there is any psychotic connections, it is when she finds out what I've been thinking, and kicks my arse.

See? Magical.

Eyes Write

I seem to have a thing for quick posts.
Here's another.
Look to the side. There is a sidebar. It has new blue.
I will now go solve the frame problem. Aren't I just the sweetest thing?
I'm sweeter then the earth (when I took a bit out of it, it tasted like dirt which is the universal definition of a taste that is not sweet) thus, I am sweeter then anything made from it. Because everything on the earth is all made up of the particles that formed the planet, then they are part of the planet. As I have shown already that I am sweeter than the earth, I am, obviously, also sweeter then anything made from the earth.

Damn. That wasn't quick.

Horses For Corsairs

I had a dream. Not in a 'I have a dream!' sense, but in the 'and then I realised I was naked' sense. I had a dream that I went to Mt Beauty to ski, ran into an old work colleague and went shopping. Pretty Weird hey? BAM! That's to the type of strange-arsed kryptonite you expect hanging around me! Not even in a dream state - for real! Tomorrow!
So we went shopping and then there was this emergency - I had to go to the big Dark Crystal tower type thing in a hurry. Unfortunately that was in another country. So I needed to swim. Luckily swimming in dreams is usually pretty quick and not at all cold or wet. So I was there. I started riding to the tower (now looking more like Howl's Castle) and was hiking it along these dirt roads at around 100kmph. (I say about, but really I mean exactly. In dreams you just know) Did I mention I was riding a horse? There were plenty of horses around, of course, but none of them had riders and none of them had me. (Not that this horse had me, it wasn't like that) So I'm racing along a winding dirt road, (great handling, horses) trying to avoid the herds of horses floating across my path and I see this fence up ahead. Ahah! I think (again, not really. This was another of those I knew moments) that's Customs! I wonder if they have Calpis? I wonder if they know where Felicity is? I pull up and this guy just stares at me in an 'oh my gawd I can see his sack' type of expression which stops me from powering into my questions regarding Calpis and Felicity. He says 'You're riding a horse?' I hop down and shrug 'so?' back at him. He asks me if I've paid the horse. I shrug 'uhhIdunnohuh?' back. (That's a difficult shrug. Thankfully, my dream-self has flexible shoulders. Thankfully, my real self doesn't or these boulders, trucks and cushions wouldn't get anywhere) He explains. To ride a horse, one must make a business arrangement and pay the standard rate. I ask what the standard rate is. He says '840 durran.' I pull out the $4.65 I have in change in my pocket (That's a made up amount based on how much I remember it weighing in my hand) To this he harumphs and says 'Ahhhh, Australian money' I ask what the current exchange rate is. He says 'one durran is ten thousand Australian dollars'
Shit. How can I pay that. I think. (You know, if you read that line just like it is written, it makes no sense. Very Zen. Ah!!! I have a Zen story I made up on Wednesday! Now what was it...)
So he arrests me and I get Calpis and meet up with Felicity and go Snowboarding while Felicity does cloud shopping. Very cool.
No let's see, I remember the thinking of a Zen story part, but from there it is cold. I can't remember where I was. Maybe if I return I will get it all back.
Maybe this is just a sign I should sleep now.

Also, Andrew drew a Sumosaurus. Go have a look below. If anyone else wants to post one, go for it. Anyone that actually reads this that is.

Sumo

Today I was listening to Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex Original Soundtrack track two and I was reminded of it's awesomeness. It has an intro bit, then an a main bit, then another intro, then another intro, then some more main bits then some end bits that turn out to be intros and intros that stop halfway making you realise that they were, in fact, end bits. It was truly awesome. It still is truly awesome. Just like when Felicity went to get money out after talking to Andrew on the phone and she didn't lock the keypad and it called Andrew back while I was singing along to the music. Damn that rocked! I chewed my foot off! Not then, now! I'm going to cook it up for lunch. If it tastes good, I'll post the recipe!
So back to the music. This music was the essence of SUMO! Start-No! Wait! Now I'm starting..Nu-huh! Gotcha! Okay, okay here we go..I'm going to throw some rice, then smack my butt. Now I'm starting! -to stamp my feet! Haha! How do you like them fat arsed apples? Stamping, touching knuckles to the floor... Throw some rice! Walk around a bit... hunker down, getting ready to start... smackin ma butt. Rolling neck. Ready? I don't think so boyo! Now!
BAM!
The music is so Sumo it's Sumo-Rock! Yoko Kanno therefore is a Sumo Rock Goddess! She's the Kim Stanley Robinson Pinup chick with Music as her science! She's a Sumo Rock Goddess Music Scientist Amazonian Hard-Arsed Take No Flack Smart Woman Of the Modern Age! Yeah! And She eats coconuts by headbutting kangaroos!
I'd like to talk about something serious now. I'd like to talk about dinosaurs. You see, when they say dinosaurs ruled the earth, and by 'them' I mean the mind control pimps that control the internet - Google, they leave out the fact that only one dinosaur ruled the earth. His name was Kimba (they named the lion after him) And he was a SUMOSAURUS. You think T-Rex was tough? Sumosaurus would boil ten of them up in a super fattening broth and snort it mixed with lava. You think the Brontosaurus was big? Sumosaurus used to skin them to wipe his arse. You know when I said Sumosaurus ruled over the WHOLE WORLD? Well, that's because he was big enough to see from anywhere! He invented Hip-Hop and stopped the moon spinning. When he died, his blood made the oceans and his scrotum made Japan. The rest of his manhood made me, and raised me all by itself. And you thought Norse mythology was messed up.
If Someone sends me a picture of Sumosaurus, I'll put right here.

See?
ANDREW IS TEH KEWL.

Comments. In Moderation

My spacetime has been pretty dense of late. I think one of the axes has shrunk, leaving me with lest space to get things done and not enough time to fit stuff in. I'm sure you've heard this before, possibly coming out of the mouth of some awesome physics dude, but I believe that time and matter are interchangeable in much the same way as matter and energy. This can been seen when your house has burnt down so you get an extra week to finish university assignments or when you drink too much matter and end up passing out and removing a section of time completely. So lets say that I've expanded in 3 dimensions, leaving me shortened on the 4th. I'm HUGE at the moment, but you only get to see me for short amounts of time. Size wise, I'm like the bosses in Shadow of Colossus but I still fit in rooms due to perspective. I think the Heisenberg uncertainty effect comes into play here, but I'm not sure how, which is proof.
Where was I?
See? Exactly.
When I spent some of my mana points to access the net this evening, I decided to see if any of you had left a comment, I found that someone or some group had left something in the comment tray. Something steaming. Something unclickable at work. It was SPAM. I'd publish it but to link to porn-spam in my country means certain loss of life. They'll take it and hide it somewhere you won't think to look. Somewhere like the section of wall in our house that for some reason hasn't got any insulation in it.
Just a life.
I've got one all planned too. I'm not giving it to anyone. Or anymany (or even anyfew, but that's pushing it too far) Here's a picture.

Universe Shitty

I've started university again this year. Personal projects can go sit in the corner and build sand castles with their teddy bears. I've got mammoth assignments, all prose, all researched and stuff. Hugh, you should be proud. They're gonna make me learn to argue! History! I've got to argue cognitive science history and its development with a bunch of philosophers!
Actually it's looking to be pretty cool. It's challenging, it sounds really smart and it's good to be back at uni. Another good point is the fact that the lectures are only on one day, so my weekly schedule doesn't look like mouldy Swiss cheese.

Also, zombies.
"The creature shambled and lurched down the corridor toward him. It moved in a way it shouldn't. The limbs reached forward under the volition of a new growth within. Tendons sprouted from the base of the neck and then burrowed through the original muscle and attached to parts of the limbs not intended to withstand the forces needed to support and drive the animal forward. The new muscles of this foreign tissue pulled these tendons with prodigious strength and the original form of the animal became horribly twisted and entangled. Flesh bulged and tore with each step. A shin bones cracked and shattered under the impulse. New limbs formed from the mass and the destroyed ends of the original acted as feet. With another step it split its abdomen internal organs fell to the ground. A tendon pulled its shattered upper jaw around so that it faced me. The eyes swivelled to find it's victim but as I looked into the window of the soul I could see it.
The dog was still alive. Seeking nothing but an end to its unspeakable agony.
I gave it."

All Movies Suck

Except for Conan the Barbarian.
That's why Arnie is Governor. None of this Terminator crap.
Anyway, to complete my thesis and prove my hypothesis (disproving is for lame ass researchers with no REAL academic ability. They just don't know how RIGHT I can be) I need to finish the multimedia equivalent of a literature search.
I need to watch every movie ever made. Including home movies. Okay, some are banned, private, secret or whatever, but this is Science. If you've got a problem with my methodology you can take it up with me. And just in case you're stupid enough to even think about considering that, here's a picture of me jumping through a window.

I intend on saving the mind numbing experience of watching celebrity sex tapes, dancing with the stars and reality tv until my late 120s and anything with Ray Martin can wait until after I'm dead.(He keeps calling!) So I will watch these movies in order of quality, calculated by a function of awesomeness combined with the awesomeness of the person giving the advice. So the movies suggested by Felicity get top billing (Except the Saint with Val Kilmer. I have no idea why she liked that) then Steve, Hugh, Dominik, Andrew, etc.
So here is where I'm up to. These movies I have yet to see. Post some suggestions or cookies or something.

• Donnie Darko
• Brazil
• The City of Lost Children
• The Mummy
• The Grudge
• The Nightmare before Christmas
• XMen 2
• Spiderman 2 (I have this on UMD, I just need to watch it)
• El Cid (Alex lent me this weeks ago, I just remembered it)
• The West Wing (all of it)
• Dogma
• King Kong
• Final Fantasy 7 (the cutscenes)

There is a heap more. Get over it.

Why Not?

It's all quiet on the Western Front. Like, for years. It's currently 2240 (that's 10:40pm in 24 hour time, not the amazing year the Beatles became the Presidents of the United States of Angioplasty. You get used to it after working with Army guys for a while) And I've just sat down to procrastinate before paying bills and surfing the net for porn*. I've decided to sit down now, at this late hour because 10minutes ago I finished washing the dishes which I started washing directly after eating my dinner. We eat too late. Whenever we put down our forks at the end of a meal there's a 'bin bown!' sound effect and we get disqualified.
Just for an experiment, why don't you try and understand what it feels like to start your evening relax'o'thon at 2240, the time you fool. When you get home from work, (probably around the same time Felicity picks me up from the front of mine - 1800) just sit in your car until 1900, then go to the gym for an hour, then sit in you car for another 20 minutes and rush a meal in, followed immediately with a cup of tea. Then digest while beginning to unwind in front of the tv, think about cleaning up the place, (Gods damned! What a mess!) then berate yourself for not getting to sleep before 2230 and shuffle to bed just before midnight. Set alarm clock for 0605, get up at 0630 get ready. Sit in car for an hour and be all bright and happy, the new day is here!

* Really I just play UrbanDead, read ZGeek, Sinfest and play with Blender.

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend" Does that mean that the friend of my friend is my enemy? What if I don't even know the guy? Does this mean I need to spend the next BBQ trying to figure out the order of precedence and punch the bad guys in the face? The enemy of my enemy is me, and I'm my own worst enemy so the whole concept is naf.

Non Sequitur today.

I've been thinking about zombies. I've been thinking about them a lot. And zombie dogs. And tv ads about the dangers of smoking. And NO evil spell checker, tv is not capitalised.

PS if you use outlook, type PS surprise! That's useful!

Small Projects

Okay, I've been slack again. I don't have a picture, I haven't had any progress towards my 'big project', and nothing has happened on the house. So I'd better fess up.
My big project was to take the hundred-ish photos of the internals of the walls of the house and stitch them together and map them onto a full 3D model of the house. So, on the weekend, I did the budget. Well, I made a really complicated and detailed spreadsheet that can tell me how much we've spent on all the stuff I've remembered to put in there but can't tell me even simple things like; Can I go to Falls Creek this year? or If I were to give up coffee for the rest of the year, would I be able to afford a PSP development kit?
The Winter Olympics + Thud = late nights this week. So far I've watched some skating, read some Thud, watched some Luge(sp?), read some Thud, and watched Snowboard Halfpipe(men's and women's) and read some Thud. Busy week.

I just wish I had time to work on my personal project too.

Long Winded

deep breath.

i have an immense personal project that i intent to give my all towards it is going to be tough but i just need to stay focussed and not lose my way i will try not to give away too much but it does have to do with the house and will be refered to in the future and i may be able to put some elements of it on this site or parts of elements from time to time to give you all an idea of what i am working on no steve it is not the zombie story although i have a couple of simple ideas for a setting that i need to take and put an actual story into i believe that not having a good story is a problem for lots of authors although not the good ones like terry pratchett and michael marshall smith i am thinking more of the type of author that sets up the story from the end then feeds it to the reader in a way to keep them guess okay so i am talking about dan brown and the da vinci code i finished metal gear solid sons of liberty bomb them all now.

and we bought a fridge.